030/101 | Dreams and Dandelions

I was so elated when I took this photo because it’s been a while since I’ve wanted to have my own picture of a dandelion. Looking closely at the puffballs of these lowly plants (I don’t want to call them weeds), I always get captivated by its beauty. Then I imagine those silver tufted seeds blown away by the wind, reaching destinations far and wide. Simply surreal.

I’ve been undergoing a process of deep meditation over the past few weeks about one of life’s most important questions:

Where do you find your sense of purpose?

When I finished high school it never crossed my mind to ask myself what I truly wanted. I remember I was like standing inside a room with so many doors of opportunity. I tried to peek unto each door and said “that’s okay” every time I see the good things in every opportunity. I could have been a teacher. I could have been a psychologist. I could have been a lawyer. I could have been an accountant. But I was not sure what I wanted. Then I finally decided to be a nurse in the argument that nursing would still make me become a teacher and to a certain degree do some of the things psychologists do if ever I wanted to. I fell in love with the profession on my second year of training and for the past nine years my life revolved around looking after patients and witnessing the greatest real life dramas. As of this moment I know I am meant to do what I am doing now.

Did I find my sense of purpose in nursing?

Yes. I am confident that God intended me to touch lives and become a better person through the nursing profession at this very moment.

However, recently I’ve been troubled by a strong desire to do something else.  And that something remains undefined, a seemingly hazy picture of my future. I am considering a few things but I am still waiting for God’s confirmation on what He truly planned for me. In my Christian walk I learned to wait upon the Lord and ask God to put His desires in my heart instead of me generating whatever desire I can think of. And it is for this reason why I ask the Lord whether the new desire in my heart is coming from Him or not. So far I am waiting for answers. So I carry on contemplating.

Kris, are you saying that you want to quit nursing? What else do you want to do? You seem to have a good life and it’s a bit disturbing to hear something like that from you because I thought you were happy. It’s probably because you’re still young and you got that typical ‘conquer the world’ attitude. Or maybe you don’t really like nursing at all and you were just trying to convince yourself during the past years that you love it. Perhaps you just need to calm down a little bit and focus on what you were trained for – a nurse. Well, that could actually be a start of another great transformation of you. Maybe this is the beginning of the greater plans of God in your life. And this is the way to go towards achieving your full potential, the bigger reason why you are here in this world.

That’s me talking to myself.

Here are some of my answers. I am not quitting nursing this time. My desire is to do something else on top of nursing. I sense that God has given me special gifts that I need to nurture to create deeper impact into the world, which nursing cannot solely support. I am happy with my life. I believe that being happy does not mean we stop dreaming. It means celebrating what we have in life and being thrilled of the possibilities that the future holds. I love nursing. But that doesn’t mean I cannot love other things as well. To say to myself that I should just focus on what I was trained for is similar to saying that I should stop growing, discovering, and developing my full potential. I knew it inside my heart that I can become a bigger blessing to others if I do not limit myself on what I am currently doing in my life.

I am sure of only one thing: My purpose why I’m here is to glorify the name of God.

But in what way I will glorify the name of God is the question that requires a more detailed answer.

So what do I want to do then?

I will let you know when I receive confirmation from the Lord.

Like the dandelion, it’s beautiful with its puffball intact. But it’s magical when the silver tufts start to fly with the wind and find their own destiny, becoming new dandelions and eventually blooming everywhere.

If those seeds won’t fly, they remain a dream. They may fall on the ground but they’ll never get the chance to behold the wonders of what lies beyond what they can see.


Check my other photos under 101 CONTEMPLATIVE PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT


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